Second Best (Twin Series Book 1) Page 3

  She watched in amazement as he came closer, speechless to see what it was he presented to her. Why had Nicholas brought her the tree? It was strange to think he would remember, even cared to consider the sentiment of his deed.

  Nicholas waited for her to say something, but as the seconds flew by and Cassie still remained silent, he found himself saying, "You don't like it?" He looked puzzlingly at his wife. "This is the day your father cuts down your families Christmas tree isn't it...the twenty-second of December?"

  Cassie nodded.

  "Well, your father said you always enjoyed getting a tree and I thought it would be nice if we did the same."

  Nicholas wanted to please her. He wanted Cassie to realize they were a family now. That these traditions she had shared with her family could now be special between them.

  "Oh, it's nice...thank you," Cassie said with no emotion in her voice. The hazel pools of her eyes reflected the large tree which stood before her. Then she clasped her hands, not knowing how to compose herself.

  There was a lot to do in the house and the day was already going by so quickly. Jeremy and Dotty were coming over for dinner this evening. Their visits were always something Cassie looked forward to because they were so happy and had a light-hearted way of joking around. They were so much in love, Jeremy, and Dotty. Often Cassie found herself wondering what it would be like to be loved by a man the way her sister-in-law was loved by her brother.

  Nicholas leaned the tall evergreen tree in a corner of the room. He began to brush off the snow which was now all over his head, and on the red, plaid, fleece shirt he wore.

  "I went out scouting on our property this morning, looking for a tree," he spoke as if this was an everyday occurrence. Then Nicholas stood over the fireplace rubbing his hands together.

  Cassie didn't know what to say, so she said the very first thing that came to her mind. "You left before breakfast...I didn't see you when I got up," she spoke softly.

  He shrugged. "It was too early and I didn't want to wake you." Nicholas turned to her then, his light brown eyes focused on his wife. "You're not mad at me are you...for leaving and not telling you?"

  Cassie shook her head.

  Nicholas studied her intently as if he was looking for something, then he turned back gazing into the fireplace.

  "I remember when I visited your parents’ home. You always seemed to be so involved in your music. I watched you sit for hours by the piano earnestly laboring over picking the right notes for the music you were composing. They were lovely songs and I could tell you put your whole heart into them. You worried your music wouldn't sound just right. I could see it was hard work, but you loved it. Besides your music Cassie, you don't seem to worry about anything much do you?" Nicholas sighed then he looked up at the painting on the mantel. The painting of Cassie and Helen he painted four years earlier and his heart ached all the more. Her parent's intention was good, but an imitation never holds up to the real thing.

  "Cass I wish you would─" But before he could finish his sentence the phone rang.

  What was it he wished? The question was a wonder to her as she watched him reach for the phone. Cassie already knew he wished she was Helen. Wasn’t it obvious?

  "Yes hello...Helen!" Nicholas exclaimed with a happy lift to his voice.

  Helen. Yes, the dull ache in his voice was gone now. Cassie looked up and watched him smile, a special smile which was not for his wife. The smile he had not given her, not even in an entire year of marriage.

  "So you are coming for Christmas after all!" Nicholas smile seemed to brighten all the more. "I’m so happy to know you’ll be here! I haven’t seen you in such a long time. How is the baby?" He let his gaze settle on his wife.

  Not having a baby was one of the others failures Nicholas' mother offhandedly kept reminding her of, but it wasn't her fault, at least not entirely.

  Mrs. Andersen admired Helen a lot. She openly talked about Helen and Nicholas being a fantastic match. She told everyone in town how honored she was going to be to have Helen as a daughter-in-law. When Nicholas took Cassie to his mother and father, Mrs. Andersen said nothing. He explained what Helen had done and how he was going to marry Cassie instead.

  When Nicholas was finished he waited for his mother to say something, but Mrs. Andersen just sat in her Queen Anne styled chair and stared out into her front yard speechless. It was Nicholas' father which gave them his blessing. Mr. Andersen was a warm man, with a large, friendly disposition. He did all he could to make her feel welcomed. In the evening, he told their cook to prepare a special meal in honor of Nicholas' and Cassie's engagement. But Mrs. Andersen remained cool and aloof about the whole affair.

  At the wedding, Mrs. Andersen looked gravely upset. She wept throughout the entire wedding ceremony. She was comforted by several of her close friends who came to watch the wedding more out of curiosity, than true, heartfelt sincerity.

  When Nicholas' mother found out Helen was going to have a baby, well it is all she talked about for months. She went on and on about wanting to be a grandmother, hoping something could be done about it before she rested in her grave.

  It was very painful how Nicholas’ mother pointed out from time to time that Helen was married only four months longer than Cassie, and yet she bore her husband a son, Davy. The baby was five months old. Cassie loved her nephew. Davy was a sweet baby and never seemed to cry much in her arms, but it hurt to hold him. It left her wondering deep down inside if she would ever hold a child that was her very own. Nicholas never mentioned children to her, but he didn't have to, Cassie saw the longing in his eyes. She watched the way he played with Jeremy's children and the way he held the babies of his other friends. I should never have married him, she thought sadly to herself.

  Nicholas laughed happily then at something Helen said. "Cassie's fine. Her leg is a little sore, but I believe she will be better in a little while. You know how this weather affects her ankle.” He paused. “But you always loved it when it snowed, didn't you?”

  Cassie watched how happy Nicholas was whenever he talked to Helen, and wondered how Daniel felt when he listened to their light banter. Did he ever feel as invisible as she did or was he contented because he was the one Helen chose?

  "Yes, your sister is right here. Give me just one moment." Picking up the shiny black phone Nicholas moved it to sit on the cherry pedestal table at her side.

  "See you in two days. Bye." He paused then laughed throwing back his head, it was a deep throaty laugh.

  Nicholas placed his hand on the receiver as he stood over his wife, holding her gaze. He was even more handsome when he was happy.

  "Listen I'm going to work on the repairs to the barn. I'll be back for lunch."

  Cassie nodded. He handed her the phone, then patted Cassie on her shoulder.

  She was use to the light way he touched her, had grown accustomed to it. They didn't kiss goodbye like most married couples did. There was no love play or warm affectionate glances between them, as all newlyweds seem to share. Nicholas and Cassie's marriage was very practical; she cooked and cleaned while he worked on the farm and paid the bills. It was an unspoken arrangement, all their marriage could be. Cassie didn't expect anything more.

  Nicholas wanted to kiss her before he left. He looked into her large, lovely, hazel eyes and wanted to tenderly kiss her. But he refrained himself as he thought about the many times before when he'd tried to do so and she flinched as if his touch disgusted her.

  He didn't want to leave like this. When he got to the front door Nicholas hesitated.

  "How about we go into town tomorrow and pick up some decorations for the tree?" he said out of the blue.

  "Decorations?" Cassie's hazel eyes brightened.

  "Yes. Would you like for us to purchase our own decorations?"

  She nodded slowly, surprised at his suggestion.

  Nicholas grabbed his jacket, looked at her one last time then he said, “Goodbye, Cass." Then he was gone, leaving her to Helen.

>   Chapter 4:Unwelcomed Gifts

  They didn't talk for too long, the two sisters. Cassie listened as Helen told her about the various gifts she purchased for everyone. Helen was very excited about seeing them all, too excited. Cassie wondered if something was wrong.

  Helen always said she couldn't wait to get out of this dumpy old town. Now since she had, Helen seemed to be running back to it. Cassie didn't understand why. Daniel appeared to be the perfect husband. He loved his wife and worshiped the ground she walked on. Daniel was a very wealthy man, due to the business his family started years before the war. They lived grandly in a six-bedroom mansion, with servants, a gardener, and a chauffeur.

  But did have all those things make Helen happy? Cassie wondered if her sister felt any regrets about running off with Daniel, instead of marrying Nicholas.

  Daniel showered his wife with pretty gifts. She was into the latest fashion. Helen wore all the new and pretty styles which made her look even lovelier than she did before. Cassie had never really cared about fashion. To put on something pretty made her feel foolish. Mostly the things she wore were plain, long dresses which covered the ugly scars on her right leg. Helen didn’t like Cassie’s clothes, she always said they were unflattering and did nothing to compliment her at all.

  Nicholas didn't like her clothes either. He never outwardly told her so, but Cassie could see his dislike of her choices, by the way, he disapprovingly looked at her attire. Then about a few months after they were married, Nicholas came home one day with a bunch of packages he'd picked up in town. When he handed them to her she looked down at the packages, then puzzlingly up at him.

  "I ordered a few things from the Sears catalog." Nicholas stepped away from her. Cassie watched as he picked up the newspaper he discarded on the round cocktail table early that morning, then sat in his chair.

  "Why don't you open them," Nicholas suggested as he turned a page.

  With shaking hands Cassie picked up the meticulously wrapped packages and began to open them. The first item was a sleeveless rose pink dress. It had a full sash around the waist, that was made of the same material as the dress. The next was a brown tweed skirt and a matching sweater. There were more dresses, skirts, shirts and even a couple of pairs of shoes.

  "So what do you think? Do you like them?" Nicholas placed down the newspaper and was watching her, waiting for a response.

  Cassie looked at the items he purchased and wanted to crawl under a rock. You could take all of the riches silks and satin fabrics in the world and drape them over her broken body, but you wouldn't change what everyone saw, what she saw every day when she looked into the mirror. Maybe this was Nicholas' way of masking her handicap, but it was no use.

  "There is so much. Maybe you shouldn't have spent so much money. This dress...it's all so much," Cassie’s throat tightened as she spoke.

  He looked perplexed. "So you don't like them?" Nicholas stood and picked up the rose pink gown. It looked even more fragile and light in his large sturdy hands.

  "I don't think they are right for me," Cassie softly replied.

  They were beautiful and very fashionable pieces of clothing he purchased. When the packages arrived he drove home speedily to surprise his wife. Nicholas was excited to see Cassie’s reaction to his gifts until she said they were not right for her.

  "I thought for sure you would like these things." He grasped the dress tightly in his hands. "Your mother helped me pick them out for you. I thought you would look...she told me you hadn't bought anything in a long time. I just wanted you to have some new clothes." Nicholas shook his head as he looked down at the items he purchased.

  Cassie didn't want to appear ungrateful, it was only…she didn't want Nicholas to try to turn her into someone she was not. He may have married Helen's twin, but he had not married Helen, and there wasn't a piece of clothing she could wear which would change that.

  Yet Cassie was polite. Her mother raised her to be polite and so she heard herself saying, "Thank you, Nicholas. You have always been kind to me. I'll take these upstairs."

  He nodded then handed her the rose pink dress.

  "Listen I have to check on Princess," Nicholas’ voice was a little edgy, he seemed upset. "She is going to have her foal any day now. If you need me I'll be in the barn."

  Cassie said nothing as she watched him go, hating the feeling he left her with. She felt as though she had done something wrong.

  Shortly after speaking to Helen she unpacked the groceries and started on their lunch. It didn't take her much time really to have everything prepared because Nicholas liked his lunch simple. To warm them up on a cold day, Cassie prepared lentil soup and pre-cut a few slices of the bread she just baked the day before. Cassie found herself wondering if it was going to be enough.

  Nicholas usually ate a lot, but lately, she noticed he didn't eat much of the food on his plate. In fact, Nicholas looked worried about something. Though Cassie wished to know just what it was troubling her husband, she didn't ask him, because she didn't know how to ask him.

  Cassie was just about to leave the kitchen when she heard a rap on the back door. Looking up, she spotted one small pink mitten and smiled.

  "Luce!" Cassie cried out warmly as she opened the door for her little friend, who was only eight years old.

  "Cassie!" Lucy affectionately wrapped her arms around Cassie's legs and squeezed her tightly.

  "Hello, Lucy." She smiled, as happy to see the child, as the child was to see her.

  To Cassie, there was no other person who ever seemed to really care she was around, but Lucy.

  Lucy came into the kitchen and kept her company when she cooked sometimes. Lucy sat next to her by the piano while she played and would often sing along. Lucy brought her flowers and always made her feel normal. She never spoke of her sick leg or her slow movements.

  Lucy told her stories, charming childish tales which made Cassie laugh and wonder many times if having her own child would bring her as much joy and comfort as Lucy did.

  They were fast friends since August when Lucy's mother, Doris, could no longer run around with her energetic daughter. Doris was now six months pregnant, and more fatigued than she had ever been before.

  "Hello, Lucy dear. How is your mother?" Cassie led Lucy into the kitchen.

  "Mama's sleeping and I'm bored. Can we make a snowman Cassie, Pleassseee?"

  Cassie smiled. "Would your mother like to know you were parading around in the freezing cold?"

  Cassie reached for a jar of oatmeal cookies she baked.

  "Oh Cassie, please. Mommy always says if you think it is alright, then it's alright with her," Lucy urged as if she would die if they didn't make a snowman.

  "And, oh Cassie! Tommy and Steven made a big, big snowman yesterday."

  Lucy stretched out her hands to show Cassie how big the snowman was.

  Cassie laughed. "They did?" She placed three cookies on a plate, smiling all the while.

  "Yes," Lucy nodded, "and we just have to make a bigger snowman than the boys did. They are always saying boys are better than girls."

  She smiled at the adorable expression Lucy had on her face.

  "We just got to show them, Cassie. Girls are better than boys."

  "Well," Cassie poured some hot chocolate in the cup she placed beside the cookies, "I guess we had better prove them wrong."

  "Yeah!" Lucy squealed as she jumped for joy.

  "But first you have to eat your cookies and drink your cup of hot chocolate, then we can start on our snowman."

  Lucy hugged her tightly again.

  "I love you, Cassie."

  For the first time in days, Cassie actually felt happy.

  "I love you too, Luce."

  The day was going by very quickly. Cassie didn't know how much time passed, but she didn't care, because when Cassie and Lucy played together they always had a fun time.

  Cassie was rolling up a ball of snow when Lucy called her.

  "Yes, Luce." She turned around instantl
y and felt the cool touch of a snowball hit her in the face.

  "Oh." Cassie laughed, wiping the snow off of her forehead. "I'm going to get you!"

  "You can't catch me!" Lucy said playfully.

  Cassie laughed. "Oh yes, I can!" She bent down and scooped up a ball of snow. "Ready or not, here I come," she warned in a teasing voice.

  Lucy screamed and the snow fight began.

  It was amazing how Lucy always put her in the right spirit. Cassie felt happy to know she was something special to this child. It felt nice to think herself special to someone.

  Cassie didn’t realize how lonely she was before Lucy and Johnny became her friends. Playing with Lucy made her feel light and carefree. Cassie didn't think about her husband, Helen or even her bad leg. Everything was forgotten for the few moments they played, so much so it made going back to real life very hard in the end.

  "Enough, all of this energy we are using up could be put to better use in building our snowman," Cassie said in a funny deep voice which made Lucy giggle.

  "You sound like the man on the radio when he tells the story of Rudolph," Lucy said.

  "You like to listen to the Christmas stories on the radio?" Cassie asked.

  Lucy nodded.

  "I love to listen to those stories too," Cassie remarked with a bright smile.

  Cassie eased down again, nursing her bad leg, as she resumed her old task of forming the base of their snowman.

  "I like the story of Scrooge, but Mommy says it's too scary for me. I'm not scared, I'm not a baby." Lucy lifted her nose as she did whenever she played at being mature.

  Cassie smiled. "I still get scared when I listen to the narration of scrooge," she openly admitted.

  "You do?" Lucy inquired in amazement.

  "Of course, I do, but I love to listen to it anyway. My brother and I had a tradition of our own. Every Christmas Eve we sat by the radio and listened to the story of Scrooge, more times than I can remember. Late at night when I was scared, Jeremy would sit by my bed until I fell asleep."