Alone In My Memories (Twin Series) Read online

  “How did you get it?” Katherine heard herself asking.

  “The first month I was fighting in the war, the F6F-5 aircraft I was flying was shot down. I was lucky enough to walk away with only this…to walk away at all,” Myles said to her surprise.

  Katherine hadn't assumed it was a war wound, had never imagined Myles gained his scar in battle, and felt herself shiver at the thought that he might not have come back at all. She hadn't been aware that Myles had entered the war, though Katherine knew he enlisted. Many of the college men on campus had enlisted, but remained inactive until after graduation.

  She remembered the attack on Pearl Harbor in ‘41 and trembled at the staggering number of soldiers which perished. Well over 2,000 men had died and she recalled the day when America had officially entered World War II on December 8, 1941. So Myles had fought and returned. How many men hadn’t returned to their families? They were lucky Myles returned…lucky he was with them…lucky for the children.

  “Mommy can kiss it, Daddy,” Michael said encouragingly.

  Michael’s words brought her thoughts back to the present.

  “No my precious. Daddy’s don’t need kisses to make it better,” Katherine spoke hurriedly pushing the suggestion aside, as her hands began trembling.

  “Don’t they?” Myles asked as his gaze challenged hers. “Why don’t we try and see.” With that he inched closer, his gaze daring her to reject him. “Come on Kat.” Myles sat facing his unwilling wife. “Make it better.”

  But it wasn’t the scar he wanted fixed. That wound had healed nearly five years ago. What he wanted from Katherine was her devotion, not only for the children, but for him. He wanted her to love him, want him…to need him, even more than she did last night.

  “I,” Katherine blinked looking at the eager expression on her son’s faces. So much for a mother’s healing power, she thought. Who knew that it would get her into this bind? Katherine swallowed, nervously holding his gaze, “Alright.” She leaned in so closely she saw the light stubbles on his chin. So closely, she felt the warmth of his breath brush against her left cheek. Then closing her eyes, she swiftly kissed him.

  “Better Daddy?” Michael asked his father.

  “Almost son, but not quite,” Myles said eyeing his wife.

  What did he want from her? She didn’t understand it! Why did everything with Myles seem like a challenge, as if he was wearing her down. What logical reason did he have to do that? The portrait of the woman in the entry foyer should have been enough of a conquest for him. That woman appeared to portray all Myles could ever want in an equal. Why did he have to mock her with a kiss in front of the children as well as Emily? Ignoring her husband, Katherine turned toward Emily who had busied herself with tending the garden, when she felt the baby move.

  “Mommy, something moved in your belly!” Michael said, pulling his hand away as though he was frightened by it.

  “Maybe Mommy has a tummy ache,” Matthew said, giving Katherine a look that seemed to say, poor mommy.

  Katherine heard Myles deep throaty laugh and blushed.

  “I don’t have a tummy ache Matthew. It’s the baby. It moved.” The two boys looked perplexed. Katherine smiled, taking one of each of their hands and placing it over her belly. “You see now, it's the baby.”

  “Daddy come see!” Michael said with a lift to his voice, as though it were a new and strange phenomenon.

  Myles inched in closer and before she could stop him, he placed his hand on her belly. The spot where he touched her burned as though a lighting of warmth flowed through her.

  “Yes, the baby’s moving a lot now.” Myles felt a brisk kick against his hand. “This is your Daddy again little one.”

  Katherine watched the glow of pride on Myles face as he talked to their unborn child. She gasped when the baby kicked harder.

  “Now be gentle with your mama,” Myles spoke as he rubbed the front of her belly. “She’s just a little jewel, like you,” Myles said warmly. Then he did the inevitable. Myles bent down and kissed the top of her belly. Katherine gasped again with a shocked expression on her face. “I hope my kiss made it better.” There was a twinkle in his eyes as he spoke, a playful twinkle.

  “It did not,” Katherine said dryly, her eyes shooting daggers at him. How dare he take liberties with her body, she thought hotly.

  “Well perhaps I ought to try again.” When he bent down to kiss her once more Katherine held her arm up blocking him.

  “No thank you. It’s fine.” She flushed when he studied her lips and turned her attention back to their sons.

  Michael looked thoughtful. “How did the baby get in Mommy’s tummy?” he asked.

  “Gertrude said a stork brought it,” Matthew said.

  Katherine’s eyes widened in dismay and her cheeks were now a rosier shade of pink. Myles laughed deeply. He was far too amused for her pleasure. Katherine had never seen this side of him, the playful light hearted side.

  “One day Michael, Matthew, I’ll sit you down and tell you all about it,” Myles promised, as if the question had been posed to him a million times by just about every four-and-a-half-year-old he'd ever encountered.

  “But when?” Matthew asked, yawning sleepily.

  Myles grinned wickedly. “When your mother tells me I can.”

  “Myles,” Katherine sent him a cross look and he laughed all the more.

  “When you’re old enough,” he stated ruffling the heads of both his sons. “But right now I am going to get you,” Myles roared and he reached out for Michael who leaped up giggling and then at Matthew who giggled joyously as he sprung behind his mother for cover. “You can’t hide from me,” he said as he reached for them once more. Michael and Matthew ran over to the Weeping Willow tree, as Myles shot after them.

  Katherine sat watching them all with a smile on her lips.

  “Mommy help us!” Matthew squealed, as he ran around the tree, eluding his father. “Daddy!” Matthew squealed when his father nearly captured him.

  Katherine laughed. She couldn’t believe how Myles was playing with the boys. It was nice watching him make them happy. She hadn't expected this. If someone told Katherine that Myles Manley could be the ideal dad well she would have laughed them to scorn, and now in less than twenty-four hours she had all but seen a drastically different side of him. Katherine felt relieved to see he was not at all like her father had been. Myles loves his boys, but Katherine saw that the idea of having a daughter didn’t seem to bother him at all, like it had bothered her father. She listened to the tone in Myles’ voice when he spoke to the baby. Was this all an act? But his behavior really did seemed quite genuine.

  She thought of Caleb then, of the kind of father he would have been…husband. Katherine remembered seeing a couple of children, seven and eight year old boys gathered around him. Caleb had been kind yet noticeably distant from them. When they asked him if he could play a game of football with them, their idol, he turned them down. At the time Caleb made-up what sounded like a logical excuse, yet Katherine could see he really hadn't wanted to play with the boys.

  Did Caleb like children? That thought Katherine had never questioned before and yet she wondered now, if he would be so easily at play with their boys as Myles was. Katherine used to dream that Caleb would be the greatest father, but now for some reason she was not quite so sure of that. How had she come about to choose the man in which she liked the least to marry? Would her heart ever heal or would she awake every day feeling as confused and as lost as she felt now?

  Stretching out her feet, Katherine leaned back and felt the light gentle breeze of the day. She closed her eyes listening to the laughter, the melody of her children’s voices that played a lulling tune in her mind, setting her at ease until she felt him, even before she heard the sound of his voice.

  “I was worried about you last night. Are you feeling better today?” Myles asked deeply, seated now at her side once more.

  Katherine slowly opened her eyes and met his gaze.
Why did everyone ask her that question? It almost made her feel like an invalid. Where were the boys? Hadn’t she just heard their gleeful squeals? When she turned to them, she saw that Emily was chasing them as they ran around the pond.

  “They’ll be fine with Emily,” Myles said easily. “It’s you I am worried about,” he said with a concerned look in his eyes.

  Katherine was not entirely convinced about that. If Myles was indeed worried about her as he claimed, then why did he leave her alone all evening? No, he was not worried enough to stay home with his family. Instead he had probably visited his lover. The vision of the portrait which now hung in the foyer, popped into her thoughts.

  “I’m fine.” She shrugged, looking down on the grass as he studied her.

  “You had a bad dream last night.” Myles waited for her to tell him what she had not wished to share the evening before. He watched her guarded expression. What was she holding back from him now? Hadn’t he done everything he could to win her love, to show Katherine how much he cared? Why was it she still couldn’t find the will inside of herself to love him?

  “It was nothing really.” But even as the words escaped her lips Katherine was confronted with the visions of her dream. A cold chill ran through her body. Even the mere thought of what she dreamed still disturbed her, yet whatever her mind had conjured up seemed irrelevant now and what could he do anyway? No one else could fight Katherine’s demon’s. She needed to fight them for herself.

  “I asked Vivien to assist you last night. She did come help you, didn’t she?” Myles asked, as he watched the play of emotions across her face.

  “Yes she did come. Thank you.” Katherine plucked a blade of grass out of the ground, pretending to study it, as though she was only partly attentive to what they had been discussing.

  “I am glad she did. I sent her to you since I could not assist you myself,” Myles stated with a searching look.

  “You left us,” there was a tremor in her voice when she spoke. Her weakness left her feeling unsettled. It was because of the boys, she kept telling herself. Katherine feared what their choices had done to them, would do to them.

  “I didn’t want to go, but I needed to.” Myles watched how she nodded slowly, looking disengaged, yet he sensed he had displeased her somehow.

  Myles said he needed to go, but Katherine didn’t believe him. How could he put that woman in front of their children? How could he place her in front of his pregnant wife. But this was not a love match, so why should she care about how he felt about her?

  “But you left…and the children asked for you.” Katherine watched as the wind rustled through the skirt of her dress, lifting the hem up, as it gently blew in the breeze.

  “I came back as soon as I could.” Myles swallowed. I couldn’t bear being without you for one moment longer, but I had no choice. He wished he could make her see this, but how?

  She gracefully turned her head, peering up at him. “It must have been important, why you left.” Katherine wanted to ask her husband about the woman in the portrait, but she couldn’t disgrace herself by asking. They were married, but not for love and he was possibly mimicking her own behavior, wasn’t he? So why did it hurt?

  “Laura said you had a bad headache last night,” Myles stated.

  “It was no worse than the others,” she said lightly, shrugging her shoulders again.

  “But it did cause you to turn in early,” he said, attempting to urge her on.

  “I was tired after all. I’m pregnant,” Katherine said tightly.

  Was it bitterness he heard in her voice? Myles knew Katherine felt a deep affection for their sons. And though she seemed to come to terms with the baby, he questioned if the changes in her body, all the discomforts a pregnancy brings, had made her even the slightest bit displeased about the new life they created.

  “I know the changes must be hard──” Myles began.

  “You have no idea.” Katherine shook her head, fighting back the tears.

  She didn’t want to feel broken and vulnerable, but she did. She didn’t want to look at her life, this marriage as a punishment or a life sentence that she had to endure, yet she did.

  Myles had watched her laugh only minutes before, he saw her joy and contentment, yet it all suddenly banished the moment he came to her side. It wasn’t anything new. It was something he'd grown use to, and yet this time the pain struck deeper, tearing at his heart.

  “So this is where you all are,” her mother said shattering the tension building up inside her, between them this morning.

  Katherine looked over her shoulder just as her mother stepped through the gate.

  “Mother,” she whispered. Katherine’s eyes brightened with warmth and excitement as she tried to get up, but couldn’t seem to get her body to work the way she wanted it to.

  “You don’t have to move. I understand how hard it is to get up off the ground when you’re as far along as you are.” Her mother smiled. “You look simply radiant,” Mrs. London said approvingly. “Don’t you think so Myles?”

  “Yes, radiant,” Myles said in a toneless voice. “Hello Evelyn.” He stood taking his mother-in-law's hand.

  “I knew coming home would make all the difference.” Her mother warmly clasped Myles’ hand in greeting then leaned down and gave her daughter an affectionate peck on the cheek.

  Katherine wished she could feel as assured as her mother sounded, but the emotions flowing through her were entirely different. She couldn’t seem to shake the overbearing sense of despair that took a hold of her.

  “I’m so happy you are here Mother.” Katherine leaned on her mother’s shoulder after she sat next to her daughter, on top of the plaid picnic blanket. Mrs. London warmly squeezed her daughter’s shoulder.

  Myles watched the exchange of affection between mother and daughter, enviously. He began to question again, if there would ever be a day when Katherine would come to him as she went to her mother, with no fear and a look of love so moving it touched him.

  “I couldn’t think of a place I would rather be. How’s my little girl feeling today? Anymore headaches?” Mrs. London asked in a worried motherly voice.

  “Not today, just last night,” Katherine admitted easily, unlike how she had answered him. She had replied reluctantly as though he were interrogating her instead of concerned over her welfare.

  “They will fade with time,” her mother said reassuringly, as she lightly trailed her fingers over the snood, just as one of the boys squealed when Emily caught him. They watched as Emily tickled Matthew.

  “Mattie, Grandma’s here!” Michael said pointing in his grandmother’s direction.

  “Grandma!!!” Matthew said as he raced to her side, beating his brother by half a second.

  “My sweet little dears.” Her mother lovingly kissed each of her grandsons, who in turn enthusiastically hugged her back. “You’re as devilishly handsome as this father of yours,” Mrs. London stated as she winked in Myles direction.

  He smiled catching Katherine’s eyes. He saw the way her gaze trailed over his features, from the crown of the golden hair on his head which brushed against his ears, down to the tall bridge of his nose. Her eyes slowly sweeping down to his ample lips and his square manly jaw, in open appraisal, as though she were assessing him for the very first time.

  In truth, Katherine had never seen a more beautiful man. With Myles the word handsome was not by far an adequate description. He was incredibly attractive, stunningly eye catching, undoubtedly charming and undeniably incapable of fidelity. So how was it she couldn’t stop looking at him?

  Her gaze shifted to the navy blue polo shirt which further embellished the deepness of his tan and show off his tight, muscular arms. Her gaze swept down to his tan knickerbockers, which further emphasized Myles lean physique; as well as his thick muscular calves wrapped in a pair of tan and blue Argyle socks, down to his white and brown oxford shoes.

  Did he have her approval or her disapproval? Myles wondered, as he watched K
atherine turn towards her mother who began speaking.

  “Are you happy to have your mama home?” Mrs. London asked her grandsons.

  “Yes!” the two boys said enthusiastically.

  “I believe your mama is also. Some color has come back to your cheeks. I know they are taking good care of you. With Myles I had no doubt you would be fine. This is where you belong after all, isn’t it?” her mother said as though she were urging a response from Katherine. “So how was your first day home?”

  There was a lengthy silence before Katherine spoke. She hadn’t exactly known how to reply to her mother’s question.

  “It was…nice. I’m still getting used to it,” Katherine admitted. “I was happy though, to see my little men.” She smiled down at her sons.

  Mrs. London looked to her son-in-law. They exchanged glances as Emily came to greet her.

  “Hello Mrs. London,” Emily signed.

  “Hello my dear. My you look lovely,” Evelyn said as she spoke directly to Emily, who smiled after reading her lips. “I saw you running rigorously with my grandchildren. Don’t let them exhaust you.”

  “I’m not exhausted. We were just having fun. I’m trying to enjoy all the time I have left with them,” Emily signed, as she looked down warmly at Matthew and Michael.

  “Oh yes, you will be starting college this fall, won’t you, Gallaudet University?” Mrs. London asked.

  Emily smiled nodding.

  “Her father is very proud of her,” Myles added. “Jenkins can’t stop singing Katherine praises,” he spoke in a matter-of-fact voice, as he smiled shaking his head.

  Jenkins was their chauffeur, so Emily was his daughter, but why should Jenkins praise her? What did Katherine have to do with any of this? She had never heard of Gallaudet University, knew nothing of it really.

  “I don’t know how I can ever thank you for what you have done,” Emily signed, as she looked to Katherine.

  Myles saw his wife’s confusion. He sympathized for her. Kat looked so lost he wanted to hold her.