Alone In My Memories (Twin Series) Page 12

  “Yes you can.” Katherine leaned her head to the side studying her boys. “This is Michael.” She pointed to the twin on the left.

  “How do you know?” Myles asked with a note of amusement in his voice.

  “Because Michael’s feet are in a kicking motion. His arms are thrown up in a tight fist. He looks as though he is laughing the loudest, while Matthew,” she pointed to the other twin, “is a bit more subdued. He is laughing, but his arms and legs are not as vigorously in motion as his brothers.”

  “And you have seen the differences between them in a little over twenty-four hours,” Myles said warmly.

  Katherine nodded as she turned the page and a feeling so warm and tender raced to her heart. Her eyes moisten when she looked at herself holding Matthew. In the photo her eyes were filled with so much love and joy as she stood posing, turned to the side. In the photo Katherine displayed the baby’s head on her shoulder, as he bit his hand while she kissed his pudgy cheek.

  A tear escaped her though she was doing her best to hold them back. Katherine didn’t want to become a watery dam, but lately she just couldn’t get a hold of her emotions. She didn't remember crying this much in all her eighteen plus years of life, as she was moved to tears within the last eight days.

  When other tears followed Myles took her into his arms, drawing her head down to his shoulder.

  “It’s alright Kat. It’s all going to be alright,” he whispered against her hair.

  “No. It’s not.” She sniffed. “I don’t r-remember them…n-not a thing.”

  “Maybe that’s right now, but it won’t be forever, I promise.” Myles kissed her lightly on the brow as he affectionately rubbed her right shoulder in a soothing motion.

  “But when?” Katherine asked childishly, as she gazed up at him with bright teary eyes.

  “I don’t know, but in the meantime you need to think about taking better care of yourself. There’s this baby too, remember?” He placed his hand over the large swell of her belly and she instinctively nestled closer to him, where she found comfort. “And with this baby there are memories you still have in-store.”

  Katherine nodded as Myles released her. She wanted to remember so badly, wanted to feel like she was not just going through the motions of her life. She wanted to be in the driver’s seat again, needed to feel like she related somehow to the world she lived in. Katherine didn’t like feeling helpless, but who did? She was so deep in her thoughts she was not aware Myles had lifted her feet up off of the floor and placed them where they were now lying, snugly on his lap.

  “Myles…” She tensed when he reached for her sandals, slipping them off her feet, cupping them in the palms of his gentle, soothing hands.

  “Ah, it’s just what I thought. They are swollen.” He looked up at her as he began to message the ache out of her feet.

  “You don’t have to…” Katherine said in a small voice as she inched back deeper against the back of the cushion, but there was no distancing herself on this settee, they were too close.

  “Nonsense. You're my wife Kat. This is the least I can do,” Myles insisted, while he continued to ease the tension out of her.

  “Why are you being so nice to me?” She thought of the letters, thought of how Myles had alluded to Caleb when he had mentioned Lancelot. It was strange he mentioned this romantic legend when it was so widely acknowledged that King Arthur was in love with Guinevere, and Myles was not the least bit in love with her.

  “Why would I ever be anything other than nice to you, Kat?”

  Katherine felt her lower lip tremble. If he knew what she had done, how would Myles treat her then? She didn’t deserve his compassion, yet he'd given it to her, a hundred percent each time she needed it. She needed to know to what extent she'd gone with Caleb. Katherine knew no other way to attempt to find out those answers unless she said to Myles what she needed to say to him now.

  “Myles I need to talk to Caleb.”

  Myles released her foot then. “That subject is closed Katherine,” there was a firm finality to his voice.

  She did not like the tone Myles took. “How could you say that Myles, when we have never ever truly discussed it? You decided, but you never truly asked me what I wanted. It isn’t fair that you decide what is right for me──”

  “What is right for you Katherine doesn’t even come into the equation. This isn’t about you, hasn’t been about you since the day we got married and had our sons. From that day, this has all been about us,” Myles pointed out tightly.

  “But you see, I don’t remember any of that. I can’t recall pledging myself to you. All I remember is wanting him. You don’t understand Myles, I need a chance to talk to Caleb and get some of my questions answered,” Katherine spoke with an intensity of emotion causing her to shake.

  “And we need you,” he choked out the words deeply, wounded once more by her affection for Caleb.

  “Myles please,” Katherine pleaded with him to understand.

  “I don’t want you anywhere in the vicinity of that guy,” Myles adamantly stated. “Especially after he...” Myles shook his head in frustration, holding back the words he knew he would regret saying if he had spoken them.

  “Especially after what?” Katherine asked, sensing Myles was keeping something from her.

  “That’s it! You won’t see him again, I forbid it!” he said strongly.

  The small truce which had existed moments earlier was gone, leaving a new level of tension in the air. Katherine slipped her feet out of his lap, then placed the album between them.

  “Where are you going Kat?” Myles asked when she stood.

  “Why should you care? All you want to do is order me around,” Katherine said coolly.

  “Kat, wait.” Myles swept his finger though his hair. She could see he was highly agitated. “You don’t understand.”

  “Then help me understand.” Katherine waited, but after a few moments when Myles said nothing at all, she left.

  That evening Myles went away again. He left without even saying a word. Katherine distracted herself with reading the children a bedtime story and then settled down in her bedside chair to read Pride and Prejudice. Over an hour later when her eyes got weary, right before Katherine had taken to her bed, she heard the phone ring.

  Reaching out for the black shiny phone, Katherine pulled it to her ear and answered, “Hello.”

  “Hello,” the soft warm voice of a woman replied. Then she heard the woman laugh. “Myles darling, you’re here! You silly goose.” The woman then promptly hung up the phone.

  Katherine looked at the phone, her hands shaking as she placed it back on the receiver, feeling just like she felt on the night she discovered her father’s infidelity. So Myles had indeed left her side and had gone to that woman. Hadn’t he been with her the night before?

  “How could he?” Katherine whispered, yet her knees weaken and so she leaned onto the side of the bed, frightened she would fall. This doesn’t really matter, she tried to tell herself, but it did.

  Katherine knew, had sensed this, but to hear the other woman’s voice made Myles’ betrayal more real. A loud echoing voice, Patricia’s voice came back to her again, “He’s a womanizer Katherine. Myles likes the chase of catching a woman and when he’s done playing the game, as they say, he moves on to the next.”

  Was that what it had been like between them? Had Myles thrived on the chase of winning her hand? Since he had won, and Katherine was his wife, securely tied to him by their children, he had moved on? It was a cruel and bitter thought that brutally tore at her delicate emotions.

  It unsettled her to think that Myles’ woman had dared to call her home? Was he so much at ease that little consideration was made for her…their family? How could that woman insult her this way and why would Myles permit it?

  Because he doesn’t love me, she thought and I don’t love him. Yet this knowledge did little to stifle the pain.

  Katherine eventually dragged herself into bed, flinching
when she carelessly used her right arm to hold her weight. Her head began throbbing then. Never had she felt more helpless, more vulnerable in her life. At a time when Katherine needed to be strong, she felt her weakest.

  The dream returned again as well as the trembling fear it brought on, and the endless prevailing darkness which crowded about her. She could see nothing. The fog was thick and it appeared she was trapped within it. The only sound that could be heard was the muffled sounds of her own footsteps, and the howling sound of the wind, as the creeping terror gripped her. She was not alone.

  Katherine looked about her, yet she saw nothing, not even her shadow was displayed at her feet. She frantically began moving towards some unknown direction, while other footsteps could be heard. At first the footsteps seemed as though they were off in the distance and then they began to slowly grow closer and closer, as her heartbeat quickened in a frantic beat.

  Filled with panic she picked up her pace, glancing from left to right, back and forth as she fought back the panic consuming her…until she heard nothing. It was as though it were a figment of her imagination, what she'd heard only moments before. Whatever, whoever it was was gone now and she found her knees weakening as she laughed hysterically at her fright. She laughed until a pair of gruff firm hands clamped down about her, and Katherine was roughly thrown to the ground. She gave out a heart-wrenching scream that was stifled by the hand of her attacker and then she awoke, incredibly frightened to find herself this time all alone in their bed, gasping for breath.

  Where was Myles? Katherine trembled as she snapped on the lamp on her nightstand, adjusting her eyes to the room as she pulled herself into a tight ball and began weeping. The dream felt so real. She could still smell the fresh clean night air, still feel the coolness of the breeze brushing against the edges of her skirt. She could hear the ring of the church bell, resounding loudly as it bellowed throughout…the university campus? That was it! In her dream she was on her college campus. Katherine shivered when she recollected the hand that silenced her scream as the bell continued to toll out the hour of the night.

  It had been midnight! Katherine trembled. Had it all really been a dream or was there more to this nightmare? Why would anyone want to hurt her? Why would she ever be out walking so late in the evening all by herself? It made no sense. She didn’t understand what the dream meant. She only knew that Myles was not with her now as he had been with her the night before. Katherine could see Myles had not been to bed. With tear filled eyes, she gazed up at the clock and observed it was half past midnight. The thought of the woman whom he boldly displayed downstairs, his woman, came to her.

  The image of the woman sprung up in her mind's eye disturbing her thoughts further. Even her mother looked unsettled when she saw the portrait. When Katherine’s mother had stayed for lunch, her eyes graced the painting and her lips remained tightly clasped at the sight of the woman that Audrey said, Myles gazed upon with much admiration. Yes, he must be with her now.

  Futilely Katherine tried to calm her heightened senses, but to no avail did she find peace or rest, though her eyes burned with exhaustion. She stayed awake for a few hours more fearing she would be drawn back into the frightful nightmare that plagued her for two nights now, until her heavy lids closed and a restless sleep claimed her once more.

  Chapter 9: Memory Lane

  Myles was not at Katherine’s side the next morning when she woke, nor had he laid beside her all night. There was no sign whatsoever to show he'd even so much as entered the room. His robe was still at the base of the bed draped over the bench, and everything was in its place, undisturbed.

  Vivien came in as she did the day before, to help prepare Katherine for the day. Gertrude made her oatmeal with blue berries and cinnamon, and a fresh bowl of fruit which usually would have had her senses reeling. Today Katherine forced herself to take each bite, barely tasting the food, despite the fact she'd hardly touched her dinner the night before.

  “Now there you are!” Gertrude said gaily. “Decided to join us in here for breakfast did you?”

  Katherine looked up as Myles walked into the kitchen. When he gave her one of his charming smiles she coolly looked away.

  “Have a seat now and I’ll fetch you a bowl,” Gertrude said in motherly tone.

  She heard his steps as he came towards her, heard the scrape of the chair as he pulled it out and knew that Myles was watching her all the while.

  “Good morning Kat,” there was a questioning note in his voice, almost as if he sensed her displeasure.

  “Good morning,” Katherine said lightly as she kept her gaze lowered on her bowl, spooning up a slice of strawberries.

  “Here you are.” Gertrude placed the breakfast bowl in front of Myles.

  “Oatmeal?” Katherine heard Myles exclaim.

  “And what is it now you've found to your displeasure?” Gertrude inquired.

  “I’ve never been a fan of oatmeal. Don’t you have something else Gert?” She could hear the plea in his voice.

  “Sticks well to the bones,” Gertrude scolded. “And is good for the baby. Is that not right Katherine?”

  “Yes,” Katherine said with her eyes lowered as she filled her spoon with cinnamon flavored oatmeal.

  Myles watched how she replied, knew Katherine was avoiding him, but had no idea what it was this time.

  “I’d prefer an omelet,” Myles stated as he worriedly watched Katherine take another spoonful of her meal.

  “I made one for you over an hour ago, but Edwards brought it back untouched. He said you hadn’t come down for breakfast. Did Jewels keep you late?”

  Katherine’s head popped up at the mention of the woman’s name. How had Gertrude known about this woman…Jewels? So that was her name. She held her breath to see what Myles would say, shocked that Gertrude dared to mention his other woman in the light of day and right there in front of her, at that.

  Myles looked across the table at Katherine, studying her expression. There was an unreadable emotion in her eyes. He saw how she took an interest in what Gertrude said and then seemed to look away again, as though her half empty bowl of fruit and the nearly empty bowl of oatmeal enthralled her.

  “It’s always the same with Jewels.” He shrugged. “She thought that for some reason or another I wasn’t coming over last night and talked about it for the two and a half hours I was there.” Myles sighed loudly.

  Who was Jewels? Katherine looked towards Gertrude with a questioning look in her eyes.

  “Well I think it is wonderful you spend time with her.” Gertrude smiled over at Katherine. “How many people have a great-aunt and actually get to know them as well as you do.”

  There was a sparkle in Gertrude’s eyes. It was as though she knew and was setting Katherine’s worries aside. But Katherine hadn’t been worried, only concerned for the boys…Jewels was his great-aunt?

  “Jewels is quite a fascinating woman. She was a very famous actress and singer on Broadway at one point in her life, you know, but that all stopped when she got married.” Myles shook his head. “It’s sad how her husband and their daughter died.” He looked up at Katherine then. “She has no family left, but us.”

  Katherine listened to every word and the weight on her heart lightened. Us…Myles said the word so naturally.

  “I’m sorry,” Katherine said. “Jewels sounds lovely. I’d love to meet her someday.” She felt quite silly for having assumed Jewels was Myles mistress.

  “Jewels asked about you Kat. I know she would love to see you again.” The green in his eyes lightened. Katherine knew he was pleased at what she said.

  “Did I used to visit her, with you?” Katherine asked.

  “You did, most times.” Myles smiled looking thoughtful. “You liked watching her old movies and she loved sharing them with you. Jewels always said her memories were all she had left and when she was gone, well they would go also and then there would be no one left to remember her.” Myles smiled sadly.

  “Audrey said y
ou asked about the painting in the foyer,” Gertrude stated from out of nowhere. Katherine looked puzzled. What did Myles’ Aunt Jewels have to do with the painting? Then she felt her cheeks warm. Had Gertrude guessed what she'd thought about the woman? Could it be that the portrait was…

  “That’s a portrait of Aunt Jewels, as she would like to be remembered. You commissioned an artist to paint her portrait, not as she is now, but the youthful beauty she was then. You're artist did a great job Katherine. Jewels will love it when she sees it.” Myles smiled with beaming pride in his eyes.

  Katherine blinked, surprised at what Myles was saying. “I had it made?” Katherine looked perplexed. She was the one who had the portrait painted of Aunt Jewels!

  Your omelet.” Gertrude placed Myles breakfast on the table, winking at Katherine before she stepped away from the table.

  “Yes and it was a delightful surprise when it arrived three days ago. Wasn’t it Gertrude?” Myles asked jovially.

  “Yes it was.” Gertrude nodded with an easy smile.

  “I wanted it hung up before you came home, but it wasn't possible. Robert and Thomas were finally able to mount it on the wall yesterday morning. What do you think of it Kat?” Myles asked easily.

  Katherine felt taken aback. What she originally thought was incorrect yet she had been so focused on her assumption she hadn't taken the time to appreciate the skill of the artist. Her cheeks flushed further with shame. There was also something Myles said that bewildered her.

  “You didn’t know about the painting until a few days ago?” Katherine inquired.

  “Not until the artist sent it here. Something about him having to go out of town and wanting to make sure it was delivered to me personally, since it was a gift you had made for me.” There was a wishful look in Myles’ eyes when he made this statement.

  The portrait was a gift she meant to surprise him with? Myles’ statement was painting a different picture than she had of them. This gift showed that Katherine wanted to please him. But why? It was such a loving gesture it didn’t seem to line up with how she felt about Myles, or the tight hold Caleb still most apparently had on her.