Alone In My Memories (Twin Series) Read online

  “Eighteen years old, I’ll be nineteen this coming spring.” She swallowed when her doctor jotted down a few more notes. She could feel her mother’s hand trembling, saw the nervous look her mother gave her doctor.

  “It’s 1949. That accident happened in 1942, seven years ago. Don’t you remember…Dr. Grant?” Her mother worriedly looked down on Katherine, then up at her doctor with pleading eyes.

  Dr. Grant nodded. “I remember the accident well. It happened mid-October. You and Caleb were both treated and released with barely a scratch.” Her doctor looked thoughtful. “The reason why you are here today is from an entirely different accident. Mrs. Manley, I believe you have amnesia.”

  Katherine’s mother gasped.

  “Amnesia?” Katherine shook her head. “How could I have amnesia when I remember everything…I thought amnesia meant a person forgot who they were? I remember everything──”

  “But the last seven years of your life,” her mother reminded her.

  “In most cases yes, but this case is different. The human mind is an amazing instrument, one traumatic experience can affect each individual differently. What you have is retrograde amnesia. With this type of amnesia a patient can remember the distant past while current events are not as readily recollected,” Dr. Grant said.

  “Will...will I ever get my memory back?” Katherine brushed aside a tear.

  “Oh sweetheart.” Her mother dabbed her cheeks.

  “That stands the test of time,” Dr. Grant said honestly. “But in the meantime everything else appears to be fine. You’re a very lucky woman. You are in the second trimester of your pregnancy, about six months along and the baby is doing well.” He smiled.

  Without thinking, Katherine placed her hand over her swollen stomach and for the very first time she felt the tight roundness which had formed there, enveloping a child. Was she dreaming? Would she ever wake up or was this to be her reality? It was a cruel, cold and unfamiliar reality.

  After a few minutes went by and she still remained silent Mrs. London thanked her daughter's doctor, who then took his leave.

  “Dear I am so sorry.” Katherine heard her mother sniffing.

  “Mother?” She looked down at the child, at the baby that was inside her and felt overwhelmed.

  “Yes dear.”

  “Did I marry Myles because…did we get married b-because I was pregnant?” She flushed from the shame of the question as well as the fear over just what her mother’s response would be.

  Mrs. London appeared uneasy about the question. She began to fidget with the flowers in her hat.

  “No.” Katherine’s mother shook her head. “How could you ever think that?” She attempted to smooth down the wrinkles in her skirt.

  “But I married Myles…”Katherine looked up at her mother bewildered. She could not imagine a more logical explanation, unless he tricked her somehow.

  Her mother smiled. “Yes you did, six years ago,” her mother added, “And this baby isn’t the first blessing from your marriage. This baby is the third.”

  Katherine’s eyes widened in shock. “But I don’t understand Mother. None of this makes any sense. It doesn’t seem real.”

  Her mother smiled warmly. “You have twin boys, Matthew and Michael. They are almost five years old. They love you and have missed you terribly…” Tears flowed over her mother’s cheeks.

  “Twin boys,” Katherine said in disbelief, as her throat tightened. It was all too much. She had awoken out of a dream into a nightmare. Her head began to pound. She touched her hand to her head and eased back more deeply onto her pillow.

  “Now I think you should get some rest.” Her mother affectionately squeezed her hand.

  Katherine said nothing as she laid there in shock.

  “Don’t worry your pretty little head about any of this. It will all work out in time,” her mother said in a reassuring voice which did not reassure her at all, yet she nodded.

  Moments later Katherine listened as the door to her room closed, leaned her head into the pillow and wept like her whole life had ended.

  Chapter 2:Going Home

  Katherine woke up feeling a gentle fluttering sensation in the right side of her belly. There was a movement more urgent than the last and then a kick which caused her to gasp. For a moment she felt frightened until she opened her eyes and saw the swell of her belly…it was the baby, the baby was moving!

  Katherine looked down on her swollen belly in awe and placed her hand over the spot where the baby had kicked. She felt another little flutter and was touched, moved by what she was experiencing, genuinely aware of how tenderly she felt about her baby. It’s Myles baby too, a little voice said in the back of her mind, a voice she could not ignore.

  It was strange to think she and Myles had created this tiny life which she now guarded and in the last few days had grown to love. Of all the dreams Katherine had ever dreamt, she never expected this. She had never thought for a moment her life would not turn out the way she had always planned, with the man she had always longed to be at her side…where were her hopes and dreams now?

  I am alone in my memories, she thought.

  The door opened then and Myles came in looking unusually disheveled. His hair was rumpled, his tie was not on straight. He looked haggard like he hadn’t been sleeping well. He wasn’t shaved, which was very unlike the way Myles usually carried himself. He was a clean-cut type of guy. As he came closer to her side she also saw the scar more clearly, studied it and realized the scar actually made him more stunningly handsome than he looked before, if that was at all possible. It was an unsettling thought, which left her to wonder how he had gotten the scar. Myles didn’t speak at first. He just watched her, studied her features as she was studying his, with his striking green eyes.

  He gazed upon her in amazement. It was a miracle she was alive, still here with him, Katherine, his wife. He had laid awake all night thinking about her, about them, about Caleb. How she had touched Caleb’s cheek, how Caleb had kissed her brow, while he stood back and watched. But wasn’t it a clear picture of their marriage? Hadn’t he always been on the sidelines waiting for his wife to want him, the way she so deeply wanted Caleb?

  After some time passed Myles said, “Good morning Katherine…How are you feeling today?” It was a courteous question, presented as one which contained good breeding. His tone lacking emotion or even an ounce of warmth…yet his heart swelled with love for her.

  Katherine felt as though she was at a strange distance from him and yet she was acquainted with Myles. Myles was friends with Caleb and so they had been in each other's presence from time to time.

  It was odd really, since the last thing she remembered about Myles was that they had argued. In fact, they argued about Caleb. Myles said Caleb wasn’t the right man for her, that Caleb didn’t love her the way she needed to be loved. He frankly told her she was wasting her time because Caleb was more into football than he was into her, and could never give her what she really desired.

  Katherine had been very angry with Myles, she denied everything he said. So why was he here beside her now and not Caleb? Had Myles poisoned her mind? Had he convinced her to leave Caleb for him? But why would she do that, knowing how strong her feelings were for Caleb? And why would Myles want her, when she was nothing at all like any of the women who hung at his side?

  “Katherine?” Myles looked down worriedly at her, despite his anger at her betrayal. She looked so fragile laying there in bed, swollen with his child, the child she would have taken so cruelly taken from him.

  “Oh, I…I am better today.” Katherine looked away from Myles, avoiding his eyes, feeling a growing wave of discomfort, just like she always felt whenever he was near.

  “What about your headaches?” His eyes graced the bandage on her forehead. He wanted to kiss it, to make it all better, but knew she wouldn’t let him like she would have allowed Caleb. To Katherine they were strangers. To Myles she was the love of his life, the only woman he longed for,
despite of all that had happened.

  Katherine blinked. “They are not as bad as they were a few days ago. Dr. Grant says they will eventually ease.” At least she hoped this was the case. Her headaches were so bad they brought her to tears and made her feel dizzy and a bit nauseated.

  Myles nodded. “Good.” He scratched his head and stood staring at her, like when he first came in, like each time he came to visit her the last few days.

  She wondered if he was comparing her to the women who always surrounded him, women as fair as he was, as compellingly lovely. Katherine never thought of herself as Myles’ type, could never fit into his elite category of wealthy young women that came from a background of good breeding. Maybe that was why he looked at her as though he couldn’t believe she was lying there and as though he didn’t know what to do about it. Maybe he was shocked he'd actually chosen her for his life companion.

  She licked her lips because they felt dry and was consciously aware she was thirsty.

  “Would you like something to drink Katherine?” Myles asked, his eyes capturing every movement, every breath, every sound. Myles didn’t want to want her, but this longing seemed as though it were imprinted in his DNA. It flowed through his blood, his passion for just this woman, Katherine.

  Katherine almost asked him to pass her a cup of water, but her current condition made her hesitate. She was aware now of what she had not been aware of when she’d awoken and shifted slightly on the bed. Where was Caleb? She felt more relaxed with Caleb.

  “No thank you,” Katherine said lightly, with a weary look in her eyes.

  “Are you sure?” Myles inched closer to her side, so close she could smell the earthy masculine scent of the cologne he was wearing. He inched closer to be near her, he just needed to be near her. He wanted to fix things, to beg her never to leave him, but she didn’t remember and Dr. Grant said he didn’t know when her memory would return.

  “Yes thank─” Katherine gasped and closed her eyes.

  “Kat, what’s wrong?” The worry was back in his voice again. Myles stood their feeling helpless, the same helpless feeling he had experienced days before she awoke.

  “The baby…kicked,” she said after taking a few deep breathes.

  “The baby.” His voice lifted as he glanced down at her belly. Katherine watched as he instinctively reached out to touch the swell of her belly and leaned back further into her pillows shaking her head.

  Myles pulled his hand back, all the while watching her with a pained look in his eyes. She would never deny him touching their child before. Katherine always permitted him to touch her belly where their child grew, but everything had changed, hadn’t it? Or had the storm always been at bay, easing into the shore, finally now bursting down upon them?

  “She’s been…moving around a lot this morning,” Katherine shyly explained as her eyes lowered to her stomach, as she rubbed the top of her belly with her left hand.

  “She?” Myles eyes widened. For a moment, for a brief second he wondered if she began to remember, since Katherine had voiced to him before her accident that she wanted a girl. Fear gripped him. What would Katherine do when her memory returned?

  “I mean, the baby,” she said awkwardly.

  He nodded and looked relieved. “I can’t stay, I have to go into the office. I just…I just,” Myles slipped his hand threw his hair, “wanted to see you before I went in. Is there anything you need before I go?” I just hoped you wanted me, needed me, he thought wishfully.

  Katherine slowly shook her head.

  Myles felt his heart sink. He didn’t know what to say. “Dr. Grant said he thinks he’ll be able to release you as early as tomorrow. You can come home.” He held his breath, waiting to see if Katherine would fight him on this, fearing she would refuse to return home to him and their children.

  The room fell into silence. Home…home? What did that word mean to her now? When Katherine thought of home all she could remember was the tiny apartment she and her mother shared. It wasn’t the loveliest place she had ever seen. It wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods, but their apartment held the most comforting memories she had ever known. Katherine felt safe and loved there, and now that home no longer existed for her, she had no idea what this life with Myles had in store for her. If Katherine had ever been frightened before, she was surely frightened now.

  She wasn’t ready. She wanted to tell him that, but Katherine couldn’t seem to find her voice. She was fighting panic. Everything was different and she was scared of the adjustments which were soon to come. It was inevitable yet she was not prepared. Overnight she was a mother and a wife. It was a daunting thought and she didn’t know as of yet how she was going to cope with this husband of hers and their two little boys.

  “But I don’t remember what my life is like now,” Katherine said weakly as she felt the tears sting her eyes. “I remember all the years leading up to my Sophomore year of college, Caleb and me, my mother and that is all.” She dashed away a frustrated tear, all the while feeling embarrassed that she was so vulnerable in front of him, only she couldn’t hold her feelings in. “Caleb hasn’t even come to see me since the first day I awoke,” she spoke this thought unconsciously out loud.

  Her words hurt him. Why must it always be Caleb? Caleb always seemed to come into the midst of their marriage. Myles tasted the bitter jealousy he felt for Caleb. Katherine was his wife, the mother of his children and he was not willing to let her go, now or ever.

  “He hasn’t come because I asked him not to Katherine,” Myles stated simply, waiting for the storm to burst, like it had burst many a times in the past when he asked her not to see Caleb anymore.

  “Why?” Her lips were trembling. Her dark brown eyes glistening with unshed tears. How could he do this to her when she needed Caleb as much as she needed him now? Was Myles trying to wound her? He should know Caleb meant the world to her.

  I don’t want him an inch near you, Myles thought. If Caleb tries to see you again I won’t be able to hold myself back. But he knew she wasn’t ready to hear those words. He didn’t want her to get excited. Katherine was still healing and he didn’t want to risk her health or the baby’s.

  “Because we are your family now and you need time to get to know us again, time to remember, time for us all to be a family,” he stated tightly, noticeably displeased by what she said.

  Family? What type of a family could Katherine really have with Myles, could she really ever accept this as her life?

  “Myles I─”

  A knock sounded on the door. Katherine’s nurse came in. “Oh! I’m sorry. I just came to check on you and see if you need anything?” Her nurse, Anna, blushed when she saw Myles standing at his wife’s bedside.

  Katherine could see Anna was mesmerized by him, though she tried to hide it. It was a typical reaction she was used to, the regular way women responded when they saw Myles, most women but her.

  “Yes…I do,” Katherine said hurriedly. One more minute and she wouldn’t be able to bare it any longer, but she couldn’t meet Myles eyes as she spoke to Anna, “Could you please help me to the bathroom?” She felt her cheeks warm up as she completed her question. Katherine felt Myles gaze as though he had touched her and sensed his displeasure.

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I would have helped you.” He was disturbed over the distance she kept between them each time he came to visit her these last few days. It was as though Katherine drew this invisible line he couldn’t cross.

  Her cheeks warmed even further. She didn’t tell him because it was too intimate a request and even though they were married, to her, they were practically strangers.

  “Anna can help me,” Katherine said easily, feeling relieved she had come. She held her breath for just a moment fearing he would try to send her away.

  “Alright,” Myles said after a few long, drawn-out moments, as he looked over his shoulder at Anna, then down at his wife. “Alright, I have to go to work, so I’ll go now." He watched as the tension eased out of he
r body. She didn’t like it when he was around. Myles could see this and though he knew she didn’t remember, it still hurt. He hesitated for a moment. “I’ll be back tomorrow Katherine.” When she didn’t respond he took his leave.

  Her mother came to the hospital half-past twelve to get Katherine dressed to go home, as well as to style the thick mop of light brown hair she never could properly manage. Her mother brushed her hair, fussed over the scar which was still slightly swollen on the right side of her forehead. She slicked a few thick strands of hair behind Katherine’s left ear and tightly curled the ends to brush against her back shoulders and the left side of her cheeks. Her mother even went so far as to add a couple of dabs of red lipstick on Katherine’s lips.

  When she finished with her daughters hair, Mrs. London reached for the neatly pressed red pencil skirt she brought with her and began to dress Katherine, pulling on the adjustable ties until she was pleased with the fit. Then reaching for the white maternity smock with its large red polka-dots and short sleeves she easily slipped this on Katherine as well, carefully buttoning up the red back buttons.

  Katherine’s clothes were exceptionably cut. They were the highest quality she had ever seen and never dreamt of possessing. Just this outfit alone must have cost a fortune. She could never afford these things as Katherine London, but as Mrs. Manley it was the least she could expect. Katherine felt her heart sink, for what it meant, for what all of this entailed.

  When her mother reached for the Glenover white tilt hat, Katherine shook her head. “Mother I can’t wear that, it will give me a headache.”

  “Fine I won’t pin it in place. Slip these on.” Mrs. London handed Katherine a pair of white cotton afternoon gloves.