Alone In My Memories (Twin Series) Read online

  Katherine had also longed for those things from her father, needs which he never truly met. Myles wouldn’t understand because he was a petted child. Everything he had ever wanted came easy to him, but it was different for most people, people like her.

  Myles eyes deepened to a dark startling shade of green. They glistened with emotion.

  “And grown-ups don’t long for those same things too? You don’t believe I need an ounce of the affection you described? Don’t you need it? I thought that that was what marriage was all about.” Myles shook his head when he saw she didn’t understand.

  Marriage, being for love? That was not what her parent’s relationship had been like. Her father’s needs seemed to be the only ones which really counted. It was always about what he wanted, no one else ever came into consideration. Her father was a selfish man and Katherine vowed she wouldn’t marry anyone like him, that she wouldn’t ever marry unless…but she was married, to this man and yet she still couldn’t see why.

  Myles sighed. “Are you hungry, shall we have lunch?” he asked, changing the subject, after a few minutes passed.

  “Yes,” Katherine said, though she wasn’t truly hungry, but was glad for the change in conversation.

  Chapter 3: Unexpected Surprises

  Minutes later Katherine followed Myles into the formal dining room and sat on the plushly padded cushioned seat. The butler, Edwards, brought in their meal, concealed under a stainless steel cover. Quite gracefully he unveiled the contents beneath and to Katherine’s dismay it was a dish of salmon, rice and steamed vegetables. The vegetable and rice did not disturb her, but the salmon she found to her distaste. Katherine did not like salmon.

  It was five minutes into their meal before Myles glanced up to find that his wife had barely touched her plate. “Why aren’t you eating your lunch, Katherine?”

  “I ate a little of it,” she spoke lightly, placing her fork down on her plate.

  “You’re pregnant Katherine. You need to eat for the baby,” he urged, trying to get her to finish her meal, but Katherine only continued to look agitated.

  “I’m really not hungry and I don’t like fish.” She clasped her hands tightly in her lap.

  Myles appeared perplexed.

  “You always loved Gertrude’s salmon,” Myles stated.

  “I’ve never liked seafood. It taste's disgusting.” Katherine made a face.

  He remembered that expression. It pretty much mimicked the one she wore back when he took her to a seafood restaurant the first time they ever went out together. No, Kat hadn’t liked seafood then, but eventually he coaxed her into trying it, until she enjoyed this particular dish immensely.

  “Would you like me to have Gertrude make you something else instead?” Myles asked, trying his best to please her.

  Katherine shook her head.

  “No I don’t want anything…I just want to know,” she looked thoughtful, “since Caleb saved my life, then why can’t I talk to him?” There, she finally said it.

  Instantly Myles green eyes darkened with displeasure. “I don’t think this is the time to talk about that.” He lifted his glass to his lips.

  She could feel the tension oozing out of him, yet was not about to let the subject go. This meant too much to her. They were talking about Caleb. Why couldn’t he see how much this mattered to her?

  “But I do. Why can’t we talk about what I want to talk about? Why are you trying to take control of my life by keeping me away from Caleb?”

  “You’re tired Kat. I’ll ring for Vivien to take you upstairs for a nap.” Myles jaw tightened.

  “I won’t let you dismiss me like I am some silly child.” Katherine slowly pushed back her chair, propping herself up to a standing position. “I’m not tired!” but when she said those words, just as she stood, Katherine felt just how truly weary she really was.

  Myles stood up, tall and threatening in his stance.

  “Dr. Grant said you need to rest. I’ll take you to your quarters,” he stated firmly as he moved towards her.

  Katherine could see that she pushed him. Myles was getting weary of her behavior and felt too emotionally drained to fight him. She sensed he would carry her to her room if he wanted to. She furiously walked ahead of him in the direction of the foyer. When she felt his hand on the small of her back guiding her, Katherine shrugged off his touch and pulled her weary limbs up the long curving stairway, trying to catch her breath when she reached the top.

  The room Myles led her to had large carved wooden doors. When he opened one of the doors she was amazed to see just how lovely the room was. There was a large king sized bed along the wall adjacent to them, with a tall headboard that swept up the wall, connecting to four large ornate posts. A silk hunters green spread covered the bed, with floral printed accent pillows. The walls were covered in a burgundy damask fabric, with matching curtain panels that nearly touched the sixteen foot ceiling, pooling to the ground. There was a sitting room off to the right side, with a settee and two comfortable looking fireside chairs. It was by far the most majestic bedroom she had ever seen.

  Katherine walked into the room gazing up onto the ceiling, where a mural was skillfully painted of two lovers embraced in a garden, with the clear blue sky above them, as Myles lead her to the bed.

  She looked wearily about her, until her gaze rested on a navy blue robe carefully draped over an ottoman, as well as a pair of navy blue slacks. Was it a man’s robe? She flushed, turning to look up at Myles.

  “Is this…the room I am going to stay in?” she inquired uneasily.

  “Yes Katherine,” Myles said, with not a hint of reluctance.

  “Is this the guest quarters?” she asked shakily, holding her breath, as she waited for his response. A response which seemed long in coming as Myles gaze swept over her attire.

  “Would you like me to help you into something more comfortable to sleep in Katherine?” Myles asked, changing the subject.

  Katherine looked at her husband as though he had lost his mind, as though he was stark raving mad. Myles smiled amused by her expression.

  “No. I’m fine.” She glanced at the height of the bed and wondered why Myles brought her to this room and just exactly how she was supposed to get up into this large bed? She couldn’t shake the feeling there was more to it than Myles was letting on. Why did he avoid answering her question?

  “Is something the matter Kat?” Myles asked when she didn’t move to get in bed.

  He called her Kat again. No one ever really called her Kat, but her mother. The familiar use of the name made her feel more ill at ease.

  “No, I mean yes.” Katherine turned around, facing her husband. “You never said if this was the guest room or not.” She nervously waited for his response and when it did not come quickly, words rushed out of her mouth, “Is this your room Myles?” Katherine asked more directly this time as the tension built in her body.

  Myles suppressed a groan. He was going to tell her, at some point today, but he couldn’t avoid the inevitable any longer.

  “This isn’t my room Katherine, it’s our room,” he said calmly, yet firmly holding her gaze.

  “But I can’t stay in here with you.” Katherine shook her head, stepping back when he moved to touch her.

  “Katherine, be reasonable.” Myles watched as she shook her head. “How are you supposed to remember anything if we don’t live the life we lived before your accident, just exactly as we lived it?” he urged her to see his point.

  “I thought we would take small steps and now you’re asking me to leap! Don’t you understand how hard this is for me?” The anguish was evident in her voice now.

  “I understand and I sympathize far more than you can imagine, but it doesn’t mean I am going to allow what’s happened to change anything in our home. Before the accident you slept here, alongside me, and this is where you are going to sleep now. Our guest rooms are entirely for that, guests, not the mother of my children and that is the end of it Katherine,” Myles s
aid gently, yet firmly.

  Katherine wanted to yell, kick and scream at the top of her lungs until every servant in the house came running, but what would that do anyway? She would only look silly. After all, they were married, and how many wives made a fuss about sleeping next to their husbands? Why couldn’t Myles be more understanding? Why was she surprised he'd managed to force his hand? Myles always got his way in everything and she wasn’t surprised he was unrelenting now.

  Though Katherine did not respond to Myles statement, inside she was fuming, annoyed, and frustrated with her husband. She uncautiously placed her hand on the top of the bed in an attempt to ease herself on top of it. When she tried to pull herself up, she cringed as pain shot through her injured arm. She was conscious of the fact Myles was watching her, conscious of how big and awkward she looked as her large belly jutted out. Katherine knew her movements were clumsy and this infuriated her all the more.

  Myles watched his wife try to attempt what he knew she was incapable of achieving at this point. Without giving Katherine further chance to reject his assistance, Myles slipped his hand on her hips and gently eased her up onto the mattress, as though she were as light as a feather. Katherine gasped, looking up at him quite astonished.

  Without asking her permission he quickly proceeded. “I’ll take these off.”

  She helplessly watched as Myles knelt down before her, clasping her right foot gently in his hand. Katherine tensed.

  “You don’t have to.” She adamantly shook her head, attempting to further convey her meaning. How could Myles be nice to her, when he must have known how little she thought of him? She was still so very angry at him that she wanted to spit.

  But Myles wouldn’t be dissuaded. Looking up at her he said rather lightly, “I couldn’t let you go to bed with these on.” Then he slipped the shoe from her foot with ease, as his hand brushed over the sides of smooth, soft, slightly, swollen skin. He frowned studying her foot. “Why didn’t you tell me your feet were swollen?” Myles asked, as he reached for the other shoe.

  Katherine gazed down at the top of his golden blond hair.

  “I didn’t know.” She shrugged. “I can hardly see my feet.” She felt foolish admitting this, yet relieved as the other shoe was eased off. It seemed pregnancy and the injuries from the accident propelled her back to her early childhood years. She needed assistance with the simple things no one really thinks about in their daily ritual; like dressing, combing her hair, putting on her shoes, which were all currently a challenge.

  “I’m glad I brought you up here,” Myles tone was of a man well satisfied with his decision. “Keeping your feet elevated will alleviate the swelling,” he said knowingly as he held the base of her left foot in the palm of his hand and smoothed the inside of her foot with his fingers, running up the insides, brushing with a soft, gentle caress. It was a heady feeling touching his wife until she pulled away, out of his grasp, unwilling to meet his gaze when he stood.

  “I’m tired. I should take my nap now,” Katherine spoke more sharply than she intended as she smoothed her fingers over the silk covers, attempting to dismiss him.

  “So now you want a nap,” Myles said with a teasing note to his voice.

  Katherine looked up at her husband, surprised by the playful twinkle in his dazzling green eyes. Leave it to Myles to look unmoved by their recent disagreement.

  “Yes,” she said coolly, as the longing grew for Myles to take his leave. Katherine took a dismissive pose by lying back in bed, hoping he would get the point and go.

  Myles reached out and brushed the scar on her cheek as though he were enthralled by it. He brushed his fingers tenderly over the spot, as if he was carving it into his memory. She trembled feeling the pull of the intimacy Myles evoked, an intimacy unknown to her, though she was a mother of three.

  “I’m tired,” Katherine said again as she turned coldly away from him.

  Myles sighed dropping his hand. “Would you like for me to stay in case you need anything?” His eyes graced over her back, the swell of her hip as he waited for her response.

  “No,” she said quickly, almost too quickly.

  Myles nodded though he didn’t want to go. He didn’t want to leave his wife.

  “Get some rest,” he said disappointedly, as he withdrew from the room.

  Katherine didn’t respond, but she closed her eyes listening for the sound of the bedroom door as it closed.

  She awoke feeling a warm pressure resting against her breast and a comforting object weighing down on her right hip. Katherine opened her eyes to find the blond rumpled head of one of her boys. Glancing down she smiled as she found the other. So they had come to nap with her. It was endearing the need they had to be close to their mother. Katherine sympathized with them. She knew exactly how they felt.

  She remembered a time when her mother had gotten really sick. Katherine was twelve years old then. It was a scary feeling. Her father tried to comfort her, but to Katherine, she had never felt more frightened in her entire. Her mother was the only consistent person in her life.

  After two weeks of crying herself to sleep each night, her mother finally came home from the hospital. Katherine stayed close to her mother’s side like a leech, for practically an entire week, until her mother made her go outside and play with her friends. When she finished playing Katherine ran to her mother, kissed her and hugged her tightly.

  “I’ll never let you go Mother,” she had said and in her own way, Katherine never did.

  Katherine kissed the temple of her son, while she brushed the sandy head of the little boy at her hip. She felt complete. So much warmth swelled up in her heart she didn’t have words to describe it. If there was anything Katherine wanted to remember, at this point, it was her sons. She wondered what it had felt like when she carried them. She tried to imagine how it felt to give birth. What exact emotion had gripped her the first time she saw their tiny form and held them tenderly in her arms? Did it parallel the deep protective emotion she felt now?

  It was amazing, a mother’s love, and despite her displeasure at finding Myles as her husband, Katherine was thankful. If there was only one blessing which came out of their union, that blessing was these children. As she studied their features, it became more and more apparent how much they resembled their father. They were a softer, sweeter, more innocent version of him, possibly just what Myles looked like at their age.

  The door to the bedroom creaked open. Katherine looked up to find her husband right there, before her eyes, their gaze locking. His eyes intensely swept over her, lowering down to where their sons laid. Katherine saw him frowning as he stepped into the room. Wrapping her arms protectively around both boys, she pulled them tightly against her, fearing Myles would try to send them away, as he did earlier.

  Myles stopped at the foot of the bed and looked down at them, shaking his head.

  When he reached out to touch the child at her hip, Katherine cried out, “Don’t!” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears. “Please let them stay with me. Don’t take them away.” She spoke with trembling voice as though she feared him.

  Myles studied his wife, surprised at her reaction. Why would he want to keep their children away from her? Is this what Katherine perceived of him, in the few short moments they spent together? Did she see him as an enemy? Once, not so long ago, he had been a lover, though he aspired to be the love of her life.

  “I won’t take them away Katherine.” He glanced at Michael who was snuggled up against her breast, “I promise.”

  Myles watched as Katherine slowly eased her hold on the boys, yet she was unable to hold back the tears which escaped, flowing down her cheeks. It made him feel guilty, as though he was doing something wrong. What had he said to give her this notion of him…did she think him a monster? Was this why she was always moved to tears whenever he was near? He felt guilty forcing her to stay with him in this room, but Myles couldn’t quite bare another night without her.

  “Thank you.” She brushed her
fingers affectionately over Michael’s cheek. His eyes followed her loving touch, with longing. He was in awe of the ease in which she connected with their children, the way in which she was drawn to them. He wished Katherine could feel a third of the same affection for him.

  “You don’t have to thank me Katherine, Michael and Matthew are as much mine as they are yours. I would never try to keep them from you. I hope you believe that.” He stood watching her, waiting for her response.

  Katherine nodded as another tear rolled down her cheek.

  They were starting over again. Myles realized this now. Things had changed between them because of her memory loss; she was even more distant than before. He couldn’t expect her to easily fall into the role of his wife. Katherine always had trust issues. Trust was the foundation of every relationship. He needed to make her trust him again, but just how was he supposed to do that? It had not been easy to get her to commit to him the first time and he wondered now, how he was going to achieve this as well as keep Caleb outside of their lives, outside of their marriage.

  “I went to check on them twenty minutes ago, after Laura put them down for a nap. I didn’t find them in their room. I searched all over the house, worried something happened to them, when Vivien suggested they were probably up here with you. I guess I should have known they would want to be wherever you are.” As I long to be, Myles thought.

  Katherine looked at Myles amazed he said what he did. She didn't expect he'd cared for their boys in the manner he expressed.

  “The little rascals,” Myles said with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes, as he sat down on the edge of the bed. “Did they wake you?” She heard the note of concern in his voice.

  Katherine studied Myles. She watched how at ease he was sitting there, as though this was where he belonged, beside her.

  “No, not really.” She gazed wearily at him. “I never heard them come in. I woke up only a few moments ago.”