Alone In My Memories (Twin Series) Read online

  “Oh Kat, my Kat,” he whispered as his gaze drifted down to the roundness of her belly.

  She was all his, filled with his child; he would share her with none other. Myles brushed aside the fleeting thought of Caleb as his fingers trailed over the sides of her belly, their tips gently sweeping over the soft cotton nightgown she wore, as his lips followed the path his fingers made. It was then Myles felt it, a flutter against his fingers, a movement so soft, so light he was surprised he felt it. Myles was moved by the fact this child, their child, had answered to its father’s touch.

  “You haven’t forgotten me little one,” he whispered tenderly. “Though your mother doesn’t remember, you have not forgotten.”

  Myles felt a tide of hope sweep over him. There could really be a chance for them, he prayed, if Katherine would only allow it.

  Placing his hand upon her belly, Myles laid his head against his wife’s. He was never more contented than when Katherine was near. Finally Myles closed his eyes and found himself easily drifting to sleep.

  Chapter 6:Pointing Fingers

  Katherine awoke with a growing feeling of contentment, as she laid nestled and warm between the covers. Slowly opening her eyes she focused on the dim contents of the room and saw she was all alone, Myles had gone.

  It was strange, the reality of marriage. There were things she had never imagined, like how comforting it felt sleeping next to someone else at night. It was an astoundingly soothing experience and oddly she'd experienced this with Myles.

  Idly Katherine swept her hand over the sunken pillow where his head had laid, where he slept beside her the entire night. She still found herself questioning Myles whereabouts during the early hours of the evening, but this was not something she wanted to dwell on.

  Hadn’t she tried to feebly correct the mistakes her parents made? At one time in her life Katherine believed she could achieve what her parents had not, but look at what resulted. It made her wonder if she was destined to repeat her mother’s misfortunes. Was her course mapped out by the life her mother lived? It was a grave and bitter thought, which brought her no comfort.

  Twice in the night Katherine awoke to assure herself that Myles was still there. Had her mother done the same thing to with her father? Had she also awoken in the middle of the night to assure herself her husband was still next to her? Yet her mother had been in love with her father, Katherine was not in love with Myles…so why was it when she heard his even breathing, felt the assuaging comfort of his presence, that it eased her back into the blissful rest she found next to him?

  Katherine was perplexed with thoughts of her husband. His demeanor confused her. She was not quite certain of what exactly was troubling her now, but she could not seem to set her mind at ease, that something, somehow had gone gravely amiss. That thought quickly faded when she felt the telling movements of her unborn child. The baby’s vigorous activity brought her up and out of bed.

  “Alright my little one,” Katherine said gazing down at her swollen belly and rubbing the side where her child kicked. “I will not prolong your breakfast any longer.” The baby moved again as though it were thanking her and she smiled brightly. “I promise I’ll hurry,” Katherine said affectionately, as her spirits lifted, warmed by the knowledge of this child and the adoration of her two sons.

  Carefully she moved towards her armoire. Pulling open the doors Katherine looked up to find three pairs of slacks, eight maternity smocks, five dresses and four skirts, neatly pressed. A light chiffon summer dress caught her eye. It was cream with yellow and brown floral patterns. The dress looked like something she could easily handle alone. She then opened up the top drawer searching for her under things, when her hand brushed against a tiny handle. Gazing down Katherine viewed a hidden door. Pulling the small door open her gaze fell upon a satin bundle, wrapped in a red ribbon someone had concealed in the drawer. Katherine’s heart raced. Who had hidden this in her drawer? Had she hidden this there and if so why? Katherine swallowed nervously, bending to gather up the contents, untying and unwrapping the fabric. Her fingers trembled as she touched the papers. Her legs shook when she held the letters within her hand.

  Katherine blindly walked to the burgundy bench situated below their bed and sat. In two heart beats she flipped the letters over and read the inscription on the back, which was written in Caleb’s handwriting, it said, To my darling, with love. These letters were hidden in her drawer, concealed from all eyes, but her own. But why? Had they been letters she cherished from their college years or something more recent? The answers laid hidden inside, and yet Katherine felt apprehensive about what she would find. Slowly, she unfolded the first letter and saw what she feared might be there.

  Hello my love,

  How I have missed you. How I long to be at your side. I look forward to the day we can be together again, as we have always dreamt to be. Each moment we are apart feels like an eternity. When can you get away, love? I know you are busy with the children, but please make some time for me. Until next when we meet,

  Love, Caleb

  Katherine shook her head unwilling to accept what the letter alluded to. But it could not be true! She frantically shook her head. Katherine could not imagine that she could ever be unfaithful…even though she loved Caleb, even though she longed to be with him now. She would never willingly cheat on her husband. It would be going against everything she believed in, stood for. Her father cheated and she despised him for it.

  Katherine had watched her own home fall apart and swore to herself she would do all she could to fight for her family. What right did any man or woman have to destroy the lives of innocent children? Had that not been her focus just the other evening past, their children? Had she not taken Myles' disappearance as a sign of his infidelity? Had she not convicted him, without proof and yet the proof of her own deceit was right in her hands? What had she done? God forgive her! What had she done?

  A knock sounded on the bedroom door. Katherine glanced up, clasping the letter to her breast, not knowing if she really wanted to see anyone. Her thoughts were clouded.

  “Ma'am, can I come in?” Vivien asked.

  “Yes, come in,” Katherine said as she hurriedly covered the letters she was holding with the satin fabric she had found them in.

  “Morning ma'am,” Vivien said after she stepped into the room. “Did you sleep well last night?”

  “Yes Vivien,” Katherine replied lightly, her gaze still transfixed on the letters on her lap.

  “I came to draw back the curtains and help you get ready for the day,” Vivien spoke with a cheerful tone

  “That would be fine, thank you.” Katherine’s mind wondered back to the letter she read, replaying every unsettling word…When can you get away, love?

  She had to speak to someone, but who? Her mother? Katherine had always been able to go to her mother about anything, yet she didn’t think this was something she could talk to her mother about. She remembered the look in her mother’s eyes the day before when she mentioned Caleb, saw how distressed her mother had been. Had this been the reason why?

  No, she couldn’t ask her mother. There was only one person who could answer her questions. She needed to speak to Caleb. She had to see him! He was the only one who could explain any of this to her. But how? Katherine had no way of knowing how to get in contact with him. There was no address on the back of the envelopes. She didn’t know his number or where he lived. But even if she did know, Myles had already stated he didn’t want Caleb in their lives now, perhaps ever. Did he know? Had he found out──

  “Ma'am?” Vivien asked as she stood in front of the large armoire.

  “Yes, Vivien.” Katherine looked up as if in a daze.

  “Which would you prefer?” Vivien asked.

  “I’m sorry Vivien.” Katherine shook her head. “Would you please repeat the question?”

  Vivien blinked. “I was just wondering what you wanted to wear today.”

  “Oh yes.” Katherine looked thoughtful. Ther
e was a dress she had picked, but it didn’t seem to matter now. She just wanted to go back to bed, pull the covers over her head and pretend the life she was experiencing since she came out of a coma, wasn’t really the card life had truly dealt her. What did she do to deserve this? Could she really bare the tragedy of loving one man while being married to another? Is that not why she had…

  “Ma'am, are you feeling well?” Vivien asked as she moved towards her.

  Katherine stood. “Yes Vivien.” She nodded. “It was this dress here.” She walked up to the open door and touched the cream floral dress which was hanging in the closet.

  “Do you have a headache ma'am?” Vivien asked in a worried voice.

  “No.” Katherine wished it was that easy. She would have preferred a headache to what she was feeling now. “Not since last night. But thank you Vivien.” Katherine turned and affectionately squeezed her maid’s hand.

  “You’re welcome ma'am,” Vivien said, smiling as she reached for the dress.

  “Vivien, where are Michael and Matthew? I woke up this morning expecting to find them here.” Katherine gestured toward the bed.

  “Mr. Manley told them you needed some rest. He said not to disturb you. I only came in now because he wanted me to come up and check on you.” Vivien carefully laid the dress over the bench.

  Katherine didn’t know what to say to Vivien. Once more her husband did the unexpected.

  Forty minutes later Katherine descended the stairs. Two things immediately caught her eyes, the first was the large gold and burgundy Asian vase which was now filled with a lovely display of flowers, beautiful lilies and roses. The second was the empty wall which had stood out to her when she first entered into this home, just a day ago, was now covered by a magnificently sized portrait of a regally beautiful woman.

  Katherine stepped down into the foyer, onto the marble covered tile, gazing up upon the painting. The woman in the portraits eyes appeared to lock with hers as though she challenged and mocked her. This was a woman of confidence, grace and refinement, whose jet black curls glistened majestically in the most becoming of all fashion. The woman had dark piercing blue eyes, with a fine perky nose and rosy full lips.

  Why did this woman hang there? It was not an old portrait. This Katherine could tell from the date inscribed in the right hand side, and yet this portrait's placement was significant. It was clearly telling. This woman must be someone immensely dear to her husband because he chose this very spot to display her image and she wondered then, without him speaking the words, if Myles loved this woman.

  Had they all known? Of course they must have guessed. All servants talked. Who knew what they had seen or heard him say. Was this why they all tried to reassure her about Myles? Had his love of this woman broken down her reserves until she'd flown into the arms of her one and only true love, Caleb? And yet Myles had asked Caleb to stay away when he so openly displayed this woman before her. How hypocritical and entirely male of him!

  A knot in Katherine’s throat tightened. But there was no excuse for her unfaithfulness, if indeed she had truly been unfaithful. Katherine did not want to make excuses for herself. She did not want to justify her wrongs, nor rationalize the choices she made. This was not the way her mother raised her. But she could not get the thought out of her head that Myles loved this woman. Was that where he had been last night, with this woman?

  “Breakfast, Mrs. Manley?” the butler, Edwards asked.

  Katherine turned away from the portrait, toward the butler. “Yes, Edwards.” But when he gestured toward the dining room she stood unmoved. “Where is my…Mr. Manley? Has he eaten his breakfast yet?”

  “Yes ma'am. Mr. Manley ate his breakfast half an hour ago. He is in the study. Would you like for me to…”

  Katherine quickly shook her head. “No. I was just wondering is all.”

  “Breakfast has been held for you ma'am. Mr. Manley said to have it waiting for you.” Edwards smiled as he gestured towards the dining room quarters once more.

  “Thank you Edwards, only I think I would like to eat in the kitchen,” Katherine stated.

  “The kitchen ma’am?” Edwards gasped in shock. Surely she could tell now that it was not fitting to have her breakfast in the kitchen.

  Katherine smiled, amused by his reaction.

  “Yes Edwards, the kitchen.”

  Gertrude was standing over the stove, whistling the same lovely Irish tune Katherine had heard her whistle the day before.

  “Good morning, Gertrude,” Katherine said as she smoothed her dress over her belly, expecting to see the same shocked look Edwards had given her.

  The woman turned with a bright smile on her face.

  “Good morning my dear, so you have finally come to join me. I set that place for you there.” Gertrude pointed towards the kitchen table, where a plate had been placed, with a bowl of fresh cut fruit and a tall glass of milk. “I’ll bring the eggs over in a minute.” She laughed when Katherine looked puzzled. “As you can see, I expected you. It isn’t exactly customary for you to have breakfast in here, but when you first came to live in this house, well it took you a few weeks before you felt comfortable eating breakfast in the dining room.”

  Katherine looked about the room, studying the simple furnishings and felt the tension in her shoulders lighten. So this had at one point been her refuge and now it was her refuge again.

  “Thank you Gertrude.” Katherine walked to the table.

  “My pleasure my dear. How do you feel today?” Gertrude asked.

  “I’m…fine,” Katherine said, lifting her glass to her lips and taking a sip.

  “Fine,” Gertrude glanced up with a quizzical look in her eyes, “you can’t fool me. Now tell old Gert what’s troubling you.”

  “Nothing.” Katherine pulled the bowl of fruit towards her, trying to keep her mind on something else, anything but her problems.

  “No good keeping it all inside.” Gertrude placed the plate of eggs beside Katherine, then pulled out the chair across from her. “Sometimes the best medicine, the one which heals the soul, is the remedy we fear the most and spurn without trying. You were never one who could keep things inside Katherine. Whatever it is, you can tell me.” Gertrude probed.

  Katherine looked down at the table and tried to collect her thoughts.

  “It’s all so much harder to take in than I expected it to be,” she finally admitted. “I really don’t know how to feel…” Katherine chocked.

  “Now, now.” Gertrude patted her hand. “It’s alright to feel this way.”

  “But I…don’t want to feel like this. It hurts. Gertrude, I feel so guilty, for what I have done to the boys, what I have done to everyone,” Katherine admitted, partially sharing her thoughts.

  “Now hush. You’re far too hard on yourself. No one is to blame for any of this. It’s just something that happened,” Gertrude stated, trying to reassure her.

  “Like my life. It just all seemed to happen and I can’t make sense of any of it.” Katherine slumped her shoulders, looking discouraged.

  “When Myles took you to the library last night, did it help you remember anything?” Gertrude asked, with a concerned expression on her face.

  Katherine looked thoughtful, then shook her head. “No, nothing.”

  “I’m sorry. I would have thought out of all the rooms in this home, the library would have triggered something,” Gertrude spoke lowly.

  “Why would you think that?” Katherine lifted her head, her light brown eyes widened questioningly.

  “You were always in the library, mostly, if you were not in the nursery.”

  It was a simple observation, but it made sense to her now, why Gertrude had suggested Myles take her there last night.

  “What about Myles…did we spend…much time together?” Katherine asked, curious to know what kind of relationship they had. Was Myles as resentful of her as Katherine imagined herself to be of him?

  Gertrude smiled. “I’ll tell you what, you finish this plat
e and I promise to tell you everything about your husband you want to know.”

  Katherine lifted her fork and took a bite of her eggs. Closing her eyes she chewed with a dreamy expression on her face, which made Gertrude smile with great satisfaction. Why was it that everything tasted better to her now, simply heavenly? She could almost give her right arm for another plate.

  “That’s my girl. We are going to fatten you up yet.” Gertrude’s voice rang out with pleasure. “So what exactly do you want to know about your husband?” Her gray eyes warmly rested on Katherine.

  Katherine looked down upon the plate of eggs, not knowing how to express the questions she wanted to ask. “Myles is…so different…” She paused.

  “Yes,” Gertrude urged.

  “I never thought, I mean…I never would have imagined he could handle domestic duties well. He doesn’t look like the kind of person who would ever want to get his hands dirty,” Katherine said in a puzzling tone.

  Gertrude laughed shaking her head. “Myles isn’t exactly what most people expect him to be. You are nothing like what most people expect you to be. You’ve got beauty and brains. I guess you can say that the early portion of Myles life had something to do with it.” She stopped waiting.

  “Didn’t he grow up here, in this house?” Katherine inquired.

  “No,” Gertrude shook her head. “This house was bought by Myles’ uncle a few months prior to Myles freshmen year of college. Mr. Manley preferred him to have a quiet place of his own to study opposed to what his life might be in the Quad dormitories, so he worked it out with the university for Myles to stay here. Myles was mostly raised in Lansdale, which is about twenty-eight miles northwest of here. Before that, he lived a very hard life with his mother in Pittsburg, Pennsylvania. They went through terrible financial difficulties.”